It comes up in working with clients and students alike, and over the holidays my stepdaughter asked me when to use “whom” versus “who” in writing. (There was no point in asking which ought to be used in speaking: she is thirteen, and firmly entrenched in the Sullen Adolescent Communication Syndrome, which appears to involve much more grunting, hissing, and gesturing than it does actual words.)
I gave Anastasia my standard explanation, after which she said, “huh?”
So here is my who/whom cheatsheet: for Anastasia, for students, for clients, for anyone who needs it: don’t think in terms of rules, think in terms of substitution.
And the general usage is, if you can substitute “she” for the troublesome word in the sentence, you should use “who.” If you can substitute “her,” the word should be “whom.”
Here’s an example: “Who/whom was supposed to walk the dog this morning?” Make it a statement: would you say, “She was supposed to walk the dog this morning,” or “Her was supposed to walk the dog this morning”? Clearly she; clearly who.
“To whom/whom were you speaking?” can easily be answered: “I was speaking to her,” therefore, “whom” is the correct word in that context.
There’s nothing wrong with a grammatical cheatsheet, as long as it points the user to better grammar usage! And by now I’m hoping that it will help Anastasia be … beyond the elements of style!
